It was the mid-’80s, and I was deep in what I now call my incubator period.
I was still in the lab — testing, breaking things, trying to figure out the actual architecture of human survival and how to really manage violence.
Developing “Decide to Survive”
Many of you know the story of my student Mitch, who got sucker punched in a fight at school, and it completely changed how I approached scenario training.
Fast forward a few years, and I had started to intuitively experiment with principles like metacognition — how you think about thinking. What I realized was that because the mind navigates the body, the first real threat is our self-talk.
I was pushing my students hard, looking for the missing links between physical technique and psychological reality. Visualization and writing became very powerful tools.
I started having my students do a writing exercise that called for them to imagine the fear — to describe what they would be thinking, what they would be feeling. Not just the physical danger, but the cost of not fighting back. The pain of inaction. What it would mean for the people who needed them to come home. It’s like you’re daydreaming a nightmare — and forcing yourself to stay in it long enough to find the way out.
Joel
Joel was just a student in my school. He loved training — private lessons, group class, all of it. Turns out he was also a hell of a writer.
During one of those early seminars, I assigned the drill. I asked everyone to write a fictional story where they were the main character — but they started off compromised. They missed the cues. They were targeted. And then, they had to fight their way out.
Joel wrote a piece so powerful it moved people in the room to tears. I remember one woman getting choked up. Everyone sat there with their mouths open.
But in his story, he got hospitalized.
He never recovered. There was no redemption moment. No comeback. We all sat there stunned, waiting for the hero’s journey to resolve. It never did.
He didn’t give himself permission to win.
His self-confidence was so low he couldn’t even write a fiction story of himself surviving. Joel didn’t need to spar more. He didn’t need another technique. He needed to believe that his life was worth fighting for — and that he had the courage to fight back.
That connection is so important and so powerful. Because the primary ingredient of courage is fear.
It took me years to fully understand what happened in that room. But it started me on a path that changed everything about how I teach.
Back Then, Fear Wasn’t Taught
In the ‘80s, fear wasn’t something you trained. It was something you were supposed to overcome. The logic was: drill hard enough, and you’d get used to it. Push through. Tough it out. The old-school way.
Be careful what you practice. You might get really good at the wrong thing.
That’s one of my most quoted lines — and it’s a neuroscience message. Most people hear it and think I’m criticizing their martial art. I’m not. I’m talking about what others call muscle memory — neural patterns taking over. The mind navigates the body. What you rehearse, you become.
Nobody was talking about brain-based training back then. It was all reps. Motor skills. Block-based tactics. And when people froze under pressure or got hurt, no one really asked why. It was just: “Next drill.”
That never sat right with me. I started watching closer. Asking harder questions. And what I saw changed everything.
It wasn’t just technique that failed. It was how people responded to fear. Not the biology of fear — the psychology of it.
Everyone loved talking about adrenaline, cortisol, fight-or-flight, blood flow shifting. But who cares? That’s all autonomic. You’re not in the middle of a fight yelling, “Send white blood cells to the wound!”
The real question is: What’s your relationship with fear?
Because fear doesn’t care how fast you are. Fear doesn’t care how strong you are. If your self-talk is corrupted, fear wins.
Fear isn’t the enemy — fear is energy.
The “Decide to Survive” Drill
I first taught this drill about 40 years ago, and it remains one of the most transformative exercises we do. I want to give it to you as a gift — because it’s very powerful. Here’s how it works:
You write a fictional story. You are the main character. But like every real hero’s journey, you start compromised. You’re tired. Distracted. Arrogant. Overconfident. Unaware.
- You miss something in D1 (Detect).
- You dismiss something in D2 (Defuse).
- And D3 (Defend) hits you hard.
If nobody spots you as a target, you don’t have a problem. But in this story, you are spotted. You are chosen. And it starts to go bad.
You build this from your actual routine. Your real town. Your daily rhythm. This isn’t fantasy — it’s future-proofing.
Then the scenario unfolds. You’re in danger. It’s real. You’re scared. And when you’re seemingly trapped and out of options, it’s managing fear that starts the system. That’s what activates your survival instinct.
Your fear spike hits. Then the inner dialogue starts:
“What will it cost me if I don’t fight back? What are my Three P’s: Personal, Passionate, Present?”
Now your body is primed. You’re in the moment. You activate the system:
- Intelligent Self-talk
- Choice Speech & Disinformation strategies to create hesitation in the threat
- Scanning for the closest weapon and closest target
- Considering improvised weapons
- The Trojan Horse Model & Non-Violent Postures
- Activating The 3 I’s: Instinct, Intelligence, Intuition
Don’t write some John Wick-style fight choreography. Write what actually works. Something as simple as:
“He hesitated when I said that. I shoved him. He fell. I ran. I survived.”
That’s beautiful self-defense.
Why This Works So Deeply
This isn’t cosplay. This is neuroscience at play.
You’re running a simulation so authentic that your brain can’t tell the difference between real and imagined. When you emotionally engage with this story — your story — you begin to rewire how your Reticular Activating System (RAS) filters future stimuli.
The RAS is the gatekeeper of your attention. It decides what information your brain deems important enough to notice, based on what you train it to look for.
When you run the “Decide to Survive” drill:
- You’re installing new awareness cues.
- You’re anchoring critical decision points.
- You’re building emotional recognition for danger, hesitation, gut instinct, and movement.
You’re not imagining danger — you’re educating your nervous system. You’re not fantasizing about violence — you’re upgrading your threat detection software.
The authenticity of this drill is what makes it stick. The brain loves relevance. And nothing is more relevant than your own life, your own patterns, your own near-misses and close calls.
When you do this right, your brain remembers. It starts seeing what it used to miss. It starts acting faster, because it already knows the script.
Your Turn
Write your story.
Start where you ignore your intuition. Make the mistakes. Miss the cues. Feel the fear.
And then: decide to survive.
When you visualize things going wrong and then work out the correction — whether it’s a tactic, a strategy, or simply how you’re thinking — something powerful happens. The first and most dangerous opponent you will ever face is your own mind and the negative thoughts it generates when fear spikes. The second danger is a neural pattern — what most people call muscle memory — that fires an inappropriate response because it hasn’t been trained for this specific moment. The scenario always dictates. Force must parallel danger.
Let your nervous system run the simulation. Let your brain correct the gaps. Let your inner coach show up. And make sure you end with this realization:
I am my own bodyguard. I will never be a spectator to my own assault.”